You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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