Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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