So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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