rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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