is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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