Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
