I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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