He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
