she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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