I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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