can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
