You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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