Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I AM VODKA MAN
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
