No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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