she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you had me at cake vodka
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
