none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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