Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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