he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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