If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
