stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
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When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
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Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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