phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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