Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
