she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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