He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
