we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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