This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
