I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
