He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
