her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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