You can't special order awesome
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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