I just made out with a guy for $7.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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