i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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