I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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