I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
