Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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