youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
