this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
