I am in a vortex of obligation.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
