How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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