Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I lost the right to judge tonight
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
