Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i love accidental penises.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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