You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
