She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
