i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
