mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
