In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
