Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
