I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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