As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
