No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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