In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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