the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
