when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
