3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
