Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
