i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
