Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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