drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
