from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
