When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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