If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
