sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
