I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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