my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
