Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
