I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
