He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
