I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
