why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Green mimosas i think yes
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's official drugs can't kill me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
