I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
