yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
