I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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