Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
