**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
