Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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