I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize