I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
