This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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