sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
