i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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