"it" just moved
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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