he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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