i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
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Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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