I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
