maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
