I'm lost and stupid without you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
