I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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