I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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